215: Are You With a Narcissist? The Complexities of Narcissism and Divorce with Molly Rubesh (Part 2)

Written By Simona Costantini

Have you ever found yourself questioning if someone in your life is a narcissist? In today's episode, Molly Rubesh joins me to talk about this topic in the specific context of divorce. We explore various aspects of recognizing signs, understanding different behaviors, and navigating the challenging dynamics that arise. Get ready for an eye-opening discussion that could empower you or someone you know going through a similar experience.

In our previous episode, Molly shared valuable insights on narcissism and its impact on relationships. If you haven't listened to it yet, we highly recommend checking it out. Today, Molly is back for a part two episode, and we pick up where we left off, diving deeper into narcissism specifically.

We talk about the varying levels of narcissism and the tendency to use the term loosely. It’s important to differentiate between someone with narcissistic personality disorder and someone who simply exhibits narcissistic tendencies. Molly highlights that while dealing with individuals who possess these traits can be challenging, it is crucial to seek immediate help if you are in an abusive relationship where safety is compromised.

We explore the gray areas of narcissism and the impact of social media's portrayal of the term. We also acknowledge that narcissism exists on a spectrum, and it is not black and white. Many individuals may display narcissistic traits without being diagnosed with a personality disorder. This recognition is vital to avoid labeling and to foster a deeper understanding of the complexities within relationships.

The conversation delves into the experiences of individuals who have found themselves in relationships with narcissistic or narcissistic-tendency partners. Molly emphasizes that most of the people she has coached during divorce are divorcing someone with narcissistic tendencies. They discuss the telltale signs of narcissistic behavior, such as manipulating, gaslighting, and making the other person feel crazy. Simona and Molly highlight the importance of recognizing these patterns and understanding their impact on emotional well-being.

We also cover empowerment for individuals dealing with narcissistic partners. Molly explains that coaching sessions offer a safe space for clients to explore their emotions and experiences honestly. We differentiate between illusions created by gaslighting and the actual truth. Additionally, we delve into the concept of codependency and guide individuals in understanding their own desires and goals, independent of the narcissistic tendencies of their partner.

I raised an important question regarding the process of transitioning from awareness to taking action. The conversation shifts towards Molly explaining the process of uncovering one's truth amidst a long-term relationship or marriage. We discuss the conditioning and upbringing that shape an individual's beliefs and choices. Molly highlights the importance of questioning these beliefs, understanding the role of past experiences, and identifying what one truly desires. She emphasizes that everyone has their own version of truth and that coaching aids in uncovering this truth, leading to self-empowerment and personal growth.

Molly and I also explore the common belief that staying together for the sake of the children is always the best decision, and why that isn’t always the best case. We discuss the potential fear of being alone that often underlies this choice. Molly shares her own experience, stating that children can benefit from divorced parents who are individually fulfilled rather than trapped in an unhappy marriage. The conversation highlights the importance of nurturing one's identity as a parent and as an individual, allowing children to witness empowered decision-making and autonomy.

Understanding narcissism in the context of divorce is a complex journey that requires self-reflection, support, and empowerment. Molly’s valuable insights shed light on the intricacies of such relationships and offer guidance for those navigating this challenging path. 

Remember, you are more than the titles society assigns you; you are worthy of happiness, fulfillment, and personal growth. Whether you choose to stay or leave, your well-being and empowerment should remain a priority. So embrace your truth, seek support, and embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation.

In the episode, we get into:

  • [2:15] Narcissistic personality disorder vs. narcissistic tendencies

  • [5:53] Navigating relationships with someone who has these tendencies 

  • [7:59] Making the shift between awareness and action

  • [10:21] How you can start to find awareness in your own situation 

  • [13:14] Thoughts on "staying together for the kids"

  • [21:39] 3 steps for someone who might be in this situation right now

About Molly Rubesh

Connect with Molly

 

Molly Rubesh is a wife, blended mom of four, life coach, and author of the children's book "Is Heaven Farther Than the North Pole?"  After 20 years in the pharmaceutical and medical device industry, Molly left the corporate world to pursue a career where she could find more meaning in helping others. 

Molly has had her fair share of adversity, starting with a divorce, which ended her 11-year marriage in 2017. After Molly met her now husband, his ex-wife died, leaving them to love and raise her two stepsons through the grief of their biological mother. Just as things settled down, Molly's dad died in 2021. This journey has given Molly the perspective she has today: that joy and sadness can coexist. Molly is sure that with support, we can find joy in the hard times and build a life we love. Molly encourages women to step into their fullest authenticity by going after what they want in this life.

 
 
 
 

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Simona Costantini
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214: Considering Divorce? These Tips Will Help You with Molly Rubesh